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" - "All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you f--ked! " - "Lower your voice." - "Wait a minute, what is that anyway? Why did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys? I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said! You're lookin' at her like she was your mother, for Christ's sake." The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991) - "Wait, but you said you only had sex with three different guys. " - "Because I never had sex with him." - "You sucked his dick! We never had sex but we fooled around." - "Oh my God! " - "I'm doing a sociological study on perversion - up to advanced child molesting." - "Taggart." - "Yes, sir." - "I've decided to launch an attack that will reduce Rock Ridge to ashes." - "What do you want me to do, sir? Anyway, I've decided that tomorrow when the time is right, I'm gonna ask you to marry me. You've made me very happy."- "Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet your captain, Captain Oveur." - "Gentlemen, welcome aboard." - "Captain, your navigator, Mr. Dunn was over Unger and I was over Dunn." - "So, you see, both Dunn and I were under Oveur, even though I was under Dunn." - "Dunn was over Unger, and I was over Dunn." Airplane II: The Sequel (1982)"I think you're all f--ked in the head. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. It's breathtaking - I suggest you try it." Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) "I think everything must go back to the fact that I had a very anxious childhood. You know, when you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention. And and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry. So all of the sudden I’m getting, I’m starting to get interested…And when am I supposed to kiss her? Beautiful.""When God created woman, He gave her not two breasts but three. That phrase is trademarked not to be used without permission of Ricky Bobby, Inc." Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)- "Where do babies come from? " - "Well, I think a stork he drops it down, and then a hole goes in your body, and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head, and then you push your belly button, and then your butt falls off, and then you hold your butt and you have to dig, and you find a little baby." - "That's exactly right."- "She had the biggest tits I've ever seen, I think." - "Yeah, I heard she got breast reduction surgery." - "What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a gorgeous gift." Superbad (2007)- "Everybody knows you never go full retard." - "What do you mean? Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man', look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Yeah, I did a little jail time, but it was worth it." Living Out Loud (1998)"And I-I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. You’re sitting there, you’re wondering: do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested, I’m not really interested, should I play like I’m interested but I’m not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she’s not interested?

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He's widely read in philosophy, he's studied Steve Mc Queen the prototypical cool American hero, and he's distilled Buddhism and Taoism into three laws that make him a hit with women: don't express desire, do something heroic in front of her, then retreat.

We're ten hours from the f--kin' fun park and you wanna bail out.

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! " - "Apes don't read philosophy." - "Yes they do, Otto.

But the fifth day, you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, but then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. I have it written down, but I-I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it. Gentlemen, let's get to work." - "Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the Air Force? Technically, Dunn was under Oveur and I was under Dunn." - "Yep." - "So, Dunn, you were under Oveur and over Unger." - "Yep." - "That's right.

And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! Take this down: 'I want rustlers, cut-throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nit-wits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bush-whackers, horn-swagglers, horse-thieves, bull-dykes, train-robbers, bank-robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists! " - "No, now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time." "I went to New York University, and, uhm, I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final.